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This is for everyone that has been affected by genuine assholes. Whether it be in person, on line, or wherever. Here's an example on how I think Karma Ninjas could change the world. I'm going to use the example of on-line trolls. Sometimes trolls are just trying to get under people's skin and trying to get a rise from other people. I really have no issue with those people and I understand that hey.... it can be fun. Most off the time you can tell if they're just being a jackass or if they are indeed a real... "asshole". I'm talking about the habitual, truly mean spirited chicken-shit, hiding behind their anonymity assholes. (To be clear I'm not talking about anyone in the group Anonymous) I'm talking about the bona fide joe smuck fuck that gets off on being an asshole. Furthermore they know better but continue to disperse the hate.
So, here's an example of how a Karma Ninja would operate using an on-line scenario. - First a Karma Ninja would seek out an asshole and make contact on-line. Once contacted the asshole will be told something like - "Hey! You're being very UN-cool and it would be in your best interest to stop being an asshole". (Yea I know, my idea of a Karma Ninja is one of casual nature.) Of course the asshole will not believe anything Karma Ninja is saying. This is where action is put into place. The asshole would get a nice letter from a Karma Ninja. It would say something like this -
Hey asshole, remember that person that contacted you on-line and told you that it would be in your best interest to stop being UN-cool? Well I'm that person and I have found you. Now, if you continue to be an asshole I will find you and warn you in person. I know this sounds pretty dumb and unbelievable because the person that concocted this crazy idea was probably bullied as a kid. But anyway, don't try and call the cops for I am a Ninja, a Karma Ninja. For every time you act like an asshole I will visit you. I will make sure it is when you're having a good time. Just like those that are on-line visiting their favorite social media site and enjoying whatever it is they enjoy. I don't care if it's some auto-tuned cute cat remix video of Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe". If you continue to make negative comments that would be considered "shitty", I will visit you. It will be a time in which you are in the middle of enjoying yourself. In addition let me tell you this, It won't be just some random good time either. I will make sure it's when you're doing something that you really REALLY enjoy. I will not hurt you physically however, your emotional state will be altered greatly. I will also make sure that no one around you is affected, only you. I'll make the event so elaborate it will boggle your fuckin little piece of shit mind. You will not know it is I who fucked it up. I will let you know later that it was me, Karma Ninja. At that time I will warn you AGAIN not to be an asshole. If I have to visit you again my actions will be far worse than the first time. Also, not only will I video the event, I then will make sure to find ALL those that you have hurt, pissed off, inconvenienced or made fun of. It will be my utmost pleasure to show them their frustration with you was not in vain. You will also make a heartfelt apology to all those that you have wronged. Not just a general apology, but individual apologies to each and every on-line user that you have hurt with your evil words.
I know this may sound like it was written in the spirit of some far unattainable wishful revenge. I wrote it simply because.... I just hate assholes. I think there's a time and place to be an asshole. If the moment is called for sure, be an asshole, especially if someone is being an asshole to you. If you're having a bad day and you act like an asshole, it's OK... no big worries. But if you're that person that knows better and continues to be an asshole, I hope the symbolic nature of a Karma Ninja finds you....
